3-22-22 What can go Wrong? I (Mis)venture into City Center

Well … come on everyone knows I am going to have some problems and some confusion in my newest (mis)adventure here in northern Italy.

Consider several months ago in Switzerland.

From falling off a train in Bern, riding around Thun on the wrong bus trying to get to football practice.  Getting off at the wrong train station (several times) …. once in the rain in Fribourg.  Getting lost in a tunnel below the Luzern train station and so on and so forth.

Look it’s a new (old) me – things have to be easier in Italy ….. right?

My host Paolo has taken me to the “City Center” of Varese and I decide that it is time to venture out on my own into this interesting area.  Come on, it’s only a few blocks from where I am staying.

I have memorized the route to a bar the Varese Gorillas frequent (imagine that).  At least I think I have.

Honestly I was not going to the Gorilla’s bar ”Te Capi”.   I just wanted to explore a little bit of my new hometown!  Really, I mean it … we have practice tonite so beer drinking is not on the schedule today (now maybe another time I might cruise to “Te Capi” and have a birra or ten.  But not today.

Well, anyway on my way through the alleyway I thought was the way to “Te Capi” – I just can’t find my landmark (the bar) – but no big deal.

Just stay on the same alleyway and I can’t get lost.   Well, maybe not until I decide to branch off to see some interesting shops and restaurants off of my course.  So … make a decision.  Turn left to what looks like some cool places.

Maybe… just maybe I should have turned around and gone home right then and there.

Nah!

I hang a left … take some cool shots of the area and drop my phone.  Yup, dropped the phone and broke the screen … you il stupido!

Obviously that would be aggravating enough – but now I am overseas and a little bit more irritating.  Can still take pictures … I imagine the phone works but have no way of knowing because I don’t have an overseas plan.

No matter because I am not lost.   All I know is that when I return I should only make a right hand turn to get back out of the City Center and home.  Broken phone or not.  Sounds really easy … right??

Not so fast Kemosabe (will I get cancelled for that?)

There are several cool restaurants, shoe and sneaker stores – and the prices are really very low in Italy (that won’t be the case in a few weeks when I get to Switzerland)!

Here’s a little tidbit my friends – Bermuda is the most expensive place to live in the world …Switzerland is second!

Somehow get flipped around like only an idiot (dumbass) like me can do.  Decide it’s time to get back home … a broken phone is bad enough.  Just follow the plan.  You find your alleyway and hang a right and bingo back home.

Now, that was a great strategy.  But, somehow didn’t work out that way.

Made a right hand turn on what I thought was the correct street.  The operative word is “thought”.  Somehow went down the wrong alleyway.

This “City Center” area is truly a warren (college word) of alleyways and narrow connectors with a lot of tight one-way streets.  It is loaded with all kinds of apartments, shops, museums, barbers (there are barbers everywhere Varese – not that I need a haircut).

Well strangely everything does look the same – how would you know dumbass American (??) – you’ve never been there before!

So, I wander around … and wander around … and wander around.  Ducking in and out of alleys – thinking more than once I had found “my alleyway” for an hour.

I know I passed the beautiful Bell Tower at least five times!  I swear that is the truth!

So, how can you ask someone how to get to the opposite side of town … when you don’t even know your address or speak the language.  Yup, dumbass you will die in the alleyways of Varese and be buried in a Pauper’s Grave in Italy (I have good insurance and the “Boss” will make some serious cash!)

Well, I have 60 Euros in my pocket … at least I will die with a full stomach.

I do have sixty Euros in my pocket and I have seen many restaurants, so at least I can survive for a little while.  Maybe someone will find me by accident!

I navigate back thru the narrow alley (these streets are all unnamed by the way) to the Bell Tower and decide on a new tactic of trying to find my way back from that piazza by using a circular pattern.

After about another fifteen or twenty minutes I am seeing some familiar shops and restaurants … well yeah… ”no shit Dick Tracy” you’ve been wandering around for an hour and you have seen many things over and over again.

Then, I hear a familiar voice behind me.  It’s one of the Gorilla players … the “Viking.”  We have already become friends.  We talk and I explain my situation and what happened.

The “Viking” has that look in his eye (“What a dumbass” look).  He doesn’t say it.

Five minutes later the “Viking” helps me escape the City Center alleys … I am out and on my way home.

I might just rename him “Columbus” since he navigated me out of “City Center.”  Oh sorry I guess he never existed because he got cancelled.

Will I do it again? … oh yeah!  Just be more careful.

Hah, what a life!