Month: June 2021

I Remember 1991 as a magic season in Detroit.  The Lions went 12-4 during the regular season and won the old NFC Central Division championship on the last day of the regular season. (Yes, for you youngsters there was a Central Division way before the NFL got creative and decided to add teams along the way and create four four-team divisions in each conference.)

It was also the season when the Lions won their first playoff game (after a first round bye) since they had captured the NFL championship in 1957.  Thirty-four years of playoff misery came to an end with a decisive win over the Cowboys in the friendly confines of the Silverdome in front of almost eighty thousand seriously excited – and I mean SERIOUSLY EXCITED and extremely loud fans.

That day was just an amazing connection between the Lions and their hungry fans.  The “Horror Dome” was a madhouse throughout the entire the game with a noise level that made it impossible to hear on the playing field.

Erik Kramer was our quarterback and had a fantastic game.  I am pretty sure he completed something like thirteen straight passes and absolutely took apart the Dallas secondary.  Things fell into place and we were able to simply outplay and handily defeat Dallas 38-6.

But, Erik Kramer wasn’t always our starter that season – in fact I don’t think anyone besides our scouting department even knew who he was as we started training camp in 1991.

I distinctly remember asking our Pro Bowl linebacker Chris Spielman who the new quarterback was in camp.  He shrugged his shoulders “Some guy from Canada”.

Kramer’s only NFL experience was during the strike games of the 1987 season where he played for Atlanta – he was then cut by the Falcons and headed north for three seasons in the Canadian Football League.

Originally, he had been brought in to be a “camp thrower” and save the arms of quarterback’s Rodney Peete and former Heisman Trophy winner Andre Ware.  But, like I said ’91 was a strange year.

Rodney was clearly the number one QB as we emerged from the preseason and Erik had surprisingly showed he was a better backup than former first round pick  Andre Ware.

So Rodney had secured himself as the starter with Erik clearly his backup.   Andre was the third option as he struggled with accuracy in the four preseason games.  This problem would plague him his  entire career.  Despite Andre’s awesome athletic prowess and his intelligence there were some red flags beginning to show up on his chances to  be an NFL quarterback.

Now the regular season was indeed a remarkable one for the Lions.  But, it was also a really weird one as well.  We opened up by getting absolutely blasted in RFK Stadium by the team now known as the Washington Football Team or whatever they are going to be called.

But then they were the Redskins and they handed us a big fat goose egg 45-0 to start our year off.

It was downright embarrassing and I especially remember the flight back to Detroit was just silent and pretty much like a morgue.  Not the usual buzz about the game that is always in the air after you play win or lose  – not even the ever present card games.

Just a few of the guys drinking  some beer (yup, we had beer post game on the planes in those days).  Absolute silence.  The team was shocked at how we were so easily beaten.

Just a bunch of battered, frustrated and bewildered players and coaches.  It was a painfully dismal trip home.   Soon to see the TV sports, listen to the radio or read the papers on what a piss poor operation we ran and that we should all understand that everyone in Detroit would happily run us out of town.

Even the irrepressible Wayne Fontes our head coach was despondent.  I tried to give him a little boost the next morning as he and I sat in his dark office by reminding him that Barry Sanders hadn’t played at all.  (Barry had some bruised ribs or something that was just serious enough to keep him on the sidelines.)

At least maybe he would serve to wake up the usually overly optimistic Wayne from his funk.  But, not even that could get him jump started.

“Clem  … a fucking shutout.  You know hard it is to be shut out in the National Football League … a fucking shutout.”

Well I did spend 27 years in the NFL and I do know hard it is to get a shutout or to be shutout.  Those guys running around out there on Sunday’s are all extremely talented men.  It is not only hard to get shutout – it is almost impossible.

But, the show must go on and we had fifteen more games to go.  Well, I was a little depressed myself.  All of us coaches were on the last year of our contracts and that meant job searching if our season continued to slide and we all got fired.  Ahhh  … the NFL can be such a fun place.

OK, I am getting off the track here and need to get to the point of this episode of football (mis)adventures.

Well, we end up winning the next two games beating the Packers and Miami at home and were set to head to Indianapolis for a game that was certainly winnable.

The defense was playing very well holding Green Bay and the Dolphins both to under 100-yards rushing and Rodney Peete was on fire at quarterback.  Barry was back and he was his usual amazing self as he ran for something like 150 in our third game.  Even Jim Arnold our punter ran for 20 yards (that was scary) on a botched kick.   We actually looked pretty damn good despite the close scores.

Optimism had returned to the Lion team and we had played reasonably well in the Indianapolis game staking ourselves to a 16-10 lead in the third quarter.  But, then the fan hit the shit.  (Come on just reverse the words).

As we were driving  Rodney goes down at QB.  (SHIT!) The injury didn’t look too bad from where I was sitting in the coaching booth – but losing our starting QB with an unknown Erik Kramer having to now run our offense.  Ahh … not so good!

The coaches and players (from both teams) and everyone else in the entire free world knew that we would just hand the ball off the Barry a few times – get out of the series and see if we could get Rodney back for the rest of the game.

Yeah, well Kramer had some ideas of his own.  The very first play  … yes, the first one and not the second or third one … but the very damn first play he is in the game – Erik audibles!

It is his first REAL NFL game .. on his FIRST PLAY in his first REAL NFL game … HE AUDIBLES!

Every single person in the coaching booth in unison yells “NOOOOO”  There were also a few “What the fuck are you doing?”  I’m sure the Detroit Lion sideline was stunned and screaming as well.

Erik checks off and calmly fires a beautiful 15-yard pass to Willie Green (I think it was Willie) for a first down!

Every single “NOOOOO”, every single “You fucking idiot” turned into “OOOHHH YEAAAHHH” and to “you fucking genius.”  What a play.

Now we all laugh about it to this day, but trust me when you can see your house payment flying away just as that ball is thrown.  It really isn’t one of those great moments.

Later in the drive Erik hits Willie Green for a TD (and now we all love him!)  Rodney later returns to the game – Eric to the bench and the Lions go on to win their third straight game and the NFL begins to take notice of Wayne and the boys.

Oh yeah, I forgot Erik also picked up a nickname that day.  The players began calling him “Brass.”

Silly, dumbass me once asked Lomas Brown our Pro Bowl left tackle why call him “Brass?”  Lomas shook his head and said – because that man has “Brass Balls!”  I guess after that audible and throw that nickname is certainly warranted!

Well from there we go on to win another two in a row for a five-game winning streak.  But, then we had to go out to Candlestick and play the 49’ers.  But, that story is for another day.

 

 

Now, I have been asked this question so many times that I have an automatic answer.  “Hey, so Clemons how in the world did you get associated with football in Switzerland?”  My go-to response is – “well, it’s easy … a friend of a friend got me in touch with his friend and voila – I am suddenly part of the football program in Switzerland!”

That is actually really true.  I would imagine in many businesses this is how it works.  Someone has a spot open and is looking for a particular fit and they seek out help from their associates.  Well, why wouldn’t you do that?

***OK – so you know me – I am going to wander around as I tell a story – and this one does require a little slip sliding along.***

But, it actually started at Judy Kowalkowski’s (good Irish name – right??) wine tasting and Italian food extravaganza which she holds every Summer.  It is a fantastic gathering of former and current Lion employees and friends of her family.  Honestly it is an awesome night!

So, the Kowalkowski name is legendary in Detroit Lion lore.  Judy’s husband the late Bob Kowalkowski played guard eleven years with the Lions and one with the Packers.  Their son Scott played linebacker on a National Championship team at Notre Dame and then ten years in the NFL (nine with the Lions!)

Judy worked in the front office and probably held every job that the club ever had.  Her range of abilities were so wide and varied she could do almost anything – and she did!  One of the most valued employees the Lions have ever seen.

But, it doesn’t end there …  Judy’s brother David Olivo was a great HS football coach in Missouri.  His son Brock was a tremendous football player at Missouri where he held the rushing and scoring records for many years.  He also went on to play alongside Scott for several years in Detroit..

A family affair!

So now you can see Judy Kowalkowski is actually an Olivo by birth – married into a Polish family.  Therefore the “Kowalkowski wine tasting and Italian Food Fest!”

So, now you kind of get it ….

Anyway, one summer night several years ago I was at Judy’s party visiting with many old Lion friends from the office, Scott and his fantastic wife Michelle, Judy, the Lesnau’s, the Saliba’s and Kimball’s.  “Machine Gun” Frank Novak (one of the finest special team’s coaches that ever worked in the NFL) and his wife Suzanne were also there.

Obviously talk turns to football – imagine that??!!  We all talk about what is going on and everyone knows that after I left the rat race that is the NFL I started to coach back in PA at Moravian College because my younger boy went there.

Also I am from the Lehigh Valley where Moravian is located (Bethlehem PA).  I mentioned to our group as we are drinking beer – yeah imagine that –  and wine that I thought it might be pretty cool to coach in Europe.

Well when Brock Olivo retired he went to Italy and got his Master’s Degree there because he is fluent in Italian … He started a team and coached there for several years.

His Dad was going to coach there and suddenly all of these guys are leaning on me and telling me I need to get my ass over there and coach (You know John Grisham’s “Playing For Pizza”  …Well “Coaching for Pizza”).

****Aside here – if you haven’t read “Playing For Pizza” you should because … well just because it is very similar to what I am experiencing – but fast forward twenty years into the future!****

So, the night wears on and the guys keep telling me over many more beers that I need to look into coaching in Europe.  Well … why not I guess??

On the way home the Boss (Wife) weighs in and tells me that she thinks I should look into it.  Yeah OK – She’s trying to get rid of me for a while.  I get it (don’t blame her either).

A week or so later I am talking to my compadre in coaching Bert Hill who was coaching the defensive line at SMU in Dallas.  I told him that there were people encouraging me to go to Europe to coach football.  He laughs and says basically good luck with that BS.

Now, realize aside from being really good pals – Bert and I coached together for ten years – so we have some real common ground (and beers in common as well)!

So some time goes by and I get a call from Bertie.  He tells me that he got into a conversation with coach on the SMU staff who not only coached in Europe … but he played there as well.  Carlos Barocio-Leon is well connected everywhere and he says … hey wait a minute – I might be able to HELP this Clemons guy out.

I don’t even know Carlos!

****OK sorry another aside here.  Carlos is a legend in Europe.  He coached and won two  “Eurobowl” Championships.  His overall record in eight European seasons was 74-16.  I don’t care where you are coaching that is pretty damn good.  OK he is pretty smart as well.  BA and MBA from New Mexico State – where I once coached by the way – and fluent in English, Spanish, French and German.  Yeah he carries some weight when he talks. ****

HELP me out …HELP me out??? He lined me up with one of the best opportunities you could want.

Carlos talked with a friend in Switzerland – Giorgio Volpi who was looking for some help with the Swiss National Team as they prepared for the European Playoffs.  The next thing I know I get some E-mails from this country located in the Alps!

Giorgio asks if I would be willing to talk with  him, Head Coach Michel Spitznagel, Stephan Pulver, and the General Manager Christian Krattiger on a Skype call.  Are you shitting me – what do I have to lose. (At that point never been on a Skype call by the way.)

We set up the Skype and like magic I am not only talking to these dudes … but seeing them as well.  They are interested in having me come over for a few weeks and help the team and also to travel to Amsterdam with the team to play two games.  To this point never been a big travel guy myself … but, it is damn interesting.

As we talk (in English by the way) I inform them that I know no Swiss at all.  This elicits laughs all around and Giorgio informs me there is no real “Swiss” language.  Pretty much everyone speaks German, French and Italian (Some remote areas speak a form of Latin called Romansh).  But, he assures me that English is everywhere and a common thread between the people of Switzerland.

I also told them that driving on the opposite side of the road  has no appeal to me.  More laughs – I am told the only place they drive on the left are the UK based countries including England, Ireland Australia, New Zealand etc.  So to this point they are probably wondering why do we need this uninformed idiot helping us?

But, whatever happened after the meeting the next thing I know I am part of the Swiss National Coaching staff for the under 19 team.  (By the way they give me this picture ID which is on a lanyard.  You have to wear it everywhere in the stadium.  The picture lists me as Ass. Coach.  So, to this day my Swiss friends still call me the “Ass” coach.)

Hmmm – rightly so.

So. after a party with friends (Kowalkowski’s et al.) … a friend (Bert) connects me with his friend (Carlos) who mentions me to his friend (Giorgio) who sets up a skype with his friends (Chris and Michel and Stephan).

No real connections but…….

Now, I come to Europe regularly because of those friends and continue to meet hundreds more.  Yup, that’s how it started!

 

 

A few days ago I knew that I was going to have pretty much an entire day to myself, so I decided to try my new train pass out.  I love the train system here in Switzerland (also a big fan of their entire public transit system).  The US could learn a lot about mass transit by studying how it is done in my second homeland.

My friend Dan Frey the past president of the Tigers had arranged for me to have a special travel pass for bus, train and boat.  Well, to me it was better than having a car which they were going to get me.  Hell, I don’t like driving at home.  Me, behind the wheel in a foreign country – not going to happen.

Well, I figured by train – I could go to Bern which would be fun because I have stayed there two different times and I know the city and love “Old Town”.   Or I could take the hour trip to Interlaken and visit another place that I have been on previous trips.

I flipped a coin in my mind (yeah, I know how do you flip a coin in your mind?).  So, Interlaken won.  OK I just wanted to go that way I guess.

I hopped on the #1 bus at the Gwatt Deltapark Stop (My friend Pascal was driving … I’m even making friends with the bus drivers! – friends will become voters when I run for Mayor of Gwatt!) and travel down to the Thun Bahnhof to see about a train to Interlaken.

If you get frustrated with all of my parenthetical phrases – just skip them.  (I just can’t help myself.  Hah!  Got you)

Now honestly, I was having some questions about this travel pass.  A few weeks earlier I had to go into the train station to get my picture taken for this voucher.  The official taking my picture was a very friendly guy who said – you’ll love this credential because all of your train rides are half price … he didn’t know about the bus.

After my ten-minute ride with Pascal on Bus #1 I jump off the yellow transport – stroll into the Bahnhof – walk up to the ticket window.  Tell the gentleman behind the glass I wanted a round trip ticket to Interlaken.  I give him my special SwissPass photo identification – he squints, looks at it, shakes his head and charges me like 17 Swiss Francs.  

I know the roundtrip would cost every Tom, Dick and Harry (US phrase to my Swiss friends) the same 17 CHF. What gives – I get no discount?

I tell him that I thought this super-duper, over the top, fantabulous plastic credit card looking thing with my old looking picture on it gave me like superpowers – and at the very least a half-price ticket.

He shrugged but then started typing into his computer.  Squints again (I think he needs glasses, but he had them on his head and not eyes), looks perplexed.  Types some more – sits up straight and looks at me in wonderment.  “You can ride anywhere you want for free – you need no ticket.”  

So, obviously no one knows how this pass works.  I’ve even looked on line for information.  Trust me whoever wrote up the SwissPass section of their travel brochure – made things even more confusing … this thing was as clear as mud. 

So naturally I figure that the conductor on the train was certainly going to clean this situation up.  He would either accept this card and tell me that I indeed have the superpowers I do so deserve or he would toss me off the train.

Well – let me put all of this on hold and let me tell my US friends something so cool about Switzerland.  You can walk into a local store attached to the Bahnhof and by a cold beer in a can (no bag needed like in US). Then you can get on a bus, train or simply walk around the streets and drink it.  That would just shatter our reality in the states.

In fact you can buy beer from a vending machine as well  … I know, simply amazing!

My God – that would just shake our world.  In fact, the passengers in a car can drink.  Yet, I guarantee they have far less problems than we find in the US!  Not advocating this – just presenting a point.

OK I buy a big Heineken beer (see photo in collection below) for the ride to Interlaken.  I figure at least if I get “86ed” off the train (US phrase for “kicked off” the train) by the conductor I’d have a beer in hand.

We board up … go all the way to Interlaken and NO CONDUCTOR!?!  Hell, they always walk through all the cars and check the tickets.  Not this time Batman!

So, I get off the train and wander around Interlaken.  Even though I already know it is a tourist trap it really isn’t crowded so I just shuffle along looking at shops.  Stop, sit down for a beer at an outdoor café.  It’s a pleasant afternoon – just having fun snapping pictures and enjoying the scenery.

By the way there is a Hooter’s in Interlaken (see pictures).  Been there before with the boss (wife) a few years ago when we were here.  I do have to tell you that this one could not hold a candle to any I have been in back home (trust me I have been to a few by the way).

I am not talking about the waitress’ outfits.  I am talking about the food.  If you boycott Hooters on your principles I have no qualms about that.  But, I am boycotting Hooters Interlaken because their food is not real good.  In the US those wings at Hooters are damn good.

Now as I decide it is time to go home.  The true test of the SwissPass card might be brought to light.  

I walk into the ticket office and ask the young lady if I could have a one-way ticket to Thun.  After handing her my fancy superpower photo ID with secret codes and computer lines and data I might learn even more.

She doesn’t blanch, squint or scratch her head.  She simply types a few keystrokes on her keyboard.  Sees the info on her screen – hands me my card back.  “Yes, just like I thought … you need no ticket and ride is always free until November.”

I sidestep into another little store attached to their train station.  Buy another Heineken.  (What the heck right??)  Hop onto the train for the return trip to Thun.  Should be interesting – but, well will there be a Conductor for this trip.  Who knows??  At least I have my Heineken right?

By the way almost every trip by train in Switzerland can be breathtaking.  Unbelievable scenery.

OK, we pass a few stops … here comes the Conductor.  He checks the people sitting in the rows in front of me.  Gets to me, mask on… beer in hand.  

A second of me feeling some panic as he pulls out his special gizmo to check tickets.  Runs it over the card.  

I hold my breath…. He looks at me says “Merci”  with a smile and walks on down the aisle to the next passenger….I crack the Heineken and once again I realize “Once again the world is spinning in greased grooves!”

Billy Jim Baker wrote a song that Jerry Jeff Walker recorded called “Contrary to Ordinary.”  Billy Jim, by the way, is a professional clown and a member of the Clown Hall of Fame. 

Baker was a friend of the late Jerry Jeff and actually once convinced him to work at a circus with him.  A picture of Walker in full clown regalia can be seen on the back of album he made by the same name “Contrary to Ordinary.”

Anyway, some of the lyrics that Billy Jim wrote and Jerry Jeff recorded (yeah, I know Billy Jim and Jerry Jeff – who he affectionately called Jacky Jack – the names can make your mind spin) are the inspiration for this collection of things that happened as I stumbled through life.

This journal is just that – a collection of stories – or (mis)adventures as I say.  They aren’t anything special in the scope of the real world as it is.  However, here they are for those who want to see them.

Really, they aren’t stories as much as episodes that have played out throughout my life.  Stealing from Billy Jim’s writing and Jerry Jeff’s singing comes Joe Don Clemons’ (mis)adventures in football – the greatest team game in the world.

Some lines from Billy Jim’s writing and Jerry Jeff’s singing:

                        And I was contrary to ordinary
                                    Even as a child
                        Fast freights made me wonder
                        The full moon still drives me wild
                                    And stories do come true
                        You just got to live your life in episodes
                                    With one eye on a lady
                        And one eye still on that open road

I hope you like some of them.  Like my close friend Bert Hill says they are true (well mostly), but … well life still is “stranger than fiction!”

“Stranger than fiction” …. Bert Hill

Barry Sanders’ rookie season was an amazing opening act for what would become a Hall of Fame career.  It was really just a preview.  1989 was simply a glimpse of how amazing a course he would set.  But, not only did he show us his enormous talent, he gave us a pretty clear picture of who he was as a man.

First of all, like many very high draft picks in the pre-free agency era, he held out at the beginning of training camp.  In fact, he held out the entire training camp … every single practice, meeting, get together – never to be seen by anyone in the Lions organization.

He finally reported the Wednesday or Thursday before the opening game in 1989.  Obviously, his appearance was met with great anticipation.  Now, undoubtedly there were a lot of people – including teammates and coaches who viewed his holdout as normal, but by waiting until the very end of camp it also had some of the people wondering if he was really worth all of this attention. 

What would he become – a great one, some mediocre overpaid player or maybe even a first round flop?  

Well, by the end of the season and during the last game of 1989 we had a pretty good idea that the Lions had captured lightning in a bottle. On the final Sunday of the season on a day that produced a steady, cold drizzle in Atlanta we realized that the Lions had selected one of the best players football had ever seen.

In that last game in Fulton County Stadium we also got a pretty good idea of what a fine person we had in our locker room.  Not only did the Lions have a fantastic player, but a humble young man who was not going to be a statistic driven, self-centered braggart like so many other great athletes are.

To set the stage – Barry had played only about a quarter in the opening game, he then missed the next game with a rib injury.  Yet, despite having played less games and having 100 fewer attempts than his rival runners he still was in a tight race for the NFL rushing leadership on the final day of the season.  

He and Christian Okoye of the Kansas City Chiefs had staged a nip and tuck weekly battle for the lead during the last month of the schedule.  Well on the last Sunday of the season the Chiefs were playing at the same time as the Lions.

So, on the final game day of the season we were all watching not only our game – but, we were also keeping an eye on the TV monitor in our coaching booth to see how the two running greats were doing comparatively.

Well, as the game was winding down the Lions had sewed up the victory and now our true attention turned to what Okoye was doing in the KC game.  As it turned out as the Chiefs completed their game we still had about five minutes or so to play.

The final tally in the Chiefs game had Okoye leading Barry in rushing yardage by about ten yards or so.  But, there was plenty of time for Barry to win the rushing title since we did have the ball.  

The problem was that Barry was now on the bench and Tony Paige was getting the workload as our halfback while we were running out the clock.

Wayne Fontes our head coach had called up to the coaching booth and asked how many yards Barry needed to gain to take the lead.  We told him that if Barry ran the ball a few times he would easily gain ten yards and take home the rushing crown.

This is no disrespect to the Falcons – it’s just that when Barry gets his focus on something – well, he is always great – but when he “zeros in” he is nothing short of amazing.

Wayne – says to us that he is going to put Barry back in the game so that he can get the honor of leading the NFL in rushing in his rookie year.  

Wayne approached Barry on the bench and tells him that he only needs a few more carries to win the rushing championship.  He asked him to go in and run “31 and 32”  (obviously two of our running plays) a few times to gain the necessary yardage.  

I heard it with my own ears through Wayne’s headset.  Barry said something to the effect.  “Look coach – let Tony Page run 31 and 32 a few times – we already won the game.  Let Tony play he deserves it.  I’m done for the day unless you really want me to go back in.”

Amazing that someone who had a chance at earning this fantastic honor through his efforts for an entire season just steps back.   He was happy to watch his teammates like Tony Page have a chance to shine a little themselves.

By the way, he had slipped his shoes off on the bench after he came out of the game.  Pretty much letting everyone around him know he was done for the day and running for a few more yards – not that important.  

Just another thing to cement the legend of Barry Sanders!